Sex in the city
It is not suffering along I crave to inflict nor sex alone, no matter how violent, I enjoy but a blend of the two.
It is
a craving that maddens me at times. a draw I can scares contain.
I find myself seeking a play partner who drinks in her suffering, who wallows and swims in it. I need to explore and taste so far beyond what my carefully controlled self protections will allow me to inflict that I find myself shutting down.
I have found my love, my mate, my slave and my friend, now I seek someone else, my paintoy. It is a different thing then my mate, I do not wish to become close friends, do not wish to share my life, my fear, my joys, my triumphs and failings. No,. none of that.
Indeed with the one I seek I could never be happy, never full, never content.
Yet without her, I miss a piece.
Often me and Emma speak of going to those spaces, and we do get close at time and I think we will get closer to them still. But one simply can not journey where I need to go with one you love and and like and need as your mate and friend.
It is a madness that at times seems a distant drone and at others threatens to take me.
I fear these times for my heart.
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December 15th, 2009 at 9:58 am
Is it because there is to close of a connection between you an emma? Maybe going that far will cross a line you have made? I miss your writing. It’s nice to see it again.
December 15th, 2009 at 3:21 pm
inspirational…
January 15th, 2010 at 8:50 am
You have a fascinating turn of phrase. But more importantly, I admire your choice of art. Fantastic work. I’ll be visiting again.
April 4th, 2010 at 1:41 pm
we play with those we enjoy, because we know it fulfills them; we enjoy giving it to them, and we enjoy what they give us… those whimpers, cries, screams, both of pain and pleasure. but in caring for them, we find a line, one which we feel more than see, and know we should not take them with us, both for their well-being, and for them not to see us.
the one who we don’t feel that compulsion for, who relieves us of any limitations, whose price is known and paid…
do we go to that darkest of places? the question isn’t whether we’ll be the same when we return, we know we wont be the same. rather, the question is, will we return, or will we become lost there for a time to come…